Condum Run
by Anya Urameshi
Summary: Because everyone's getting some tonight. 8059 with implied Ry87 and 1896.


A/N: This story was inspired by something my mom said. Which should tell you something about how my family operates. XD

It was five minutes after ten on a Saturday evening. The last employee was locking the doors in preparation of closing up the convenience store for the night when a man burst through, almost hitting the poor girl upside the head with the force of his momentum.

"Sir," the employee called out. "We're closed!"

The man, a rather tall and slightly imposing man, pivoted on his heel and gave the woman a huge grin.

"Don't worry!" He assured in what might have been a calming tone if it wasn't five minutes after closing time and the woman wasn't seeing her weekly paycheck dying in the flames of her boss's wrath. "I'll be EXTREMELY quick! I just need some condoms! Can you tell me where they are?"

The employee froze for a moment before quickly regaining her composure. "A-aisle four, sir," she managed to squeak before hurling herself behind the cash register. The man darted off before she could blink and was sliding into the checkout area before she had even managed to get the register restarted.

'I'm EXTREMELY sorry about the inconvenience of this," the man stated loudly. Now that the employee got a better look at him, she decided that the man would probably have been attractive; if he didn't look like he had just rolled out of bed and thrown on the first set of clothing he came across (his shirt was on inside out and she wondered vaguely if he realized that the pants he was wearing were not only backwards but probably belonged to a girl, not to mention the fact that he was barefoot). "But I'm all out and my girlfriend is an EXTREMELY impatient woman!"

Well...that explained the girl pants...

The woman just nodded bleakly and rattled off his total. He passed over the money, she made change, and he ran out in much the same manner that he had come.

She had just breathed a small sigh of relief when another person came bursting in. Or rather, two someones. One of which was arguing very loudly while the other just smiled pleasantly and nodded every few seconds to show that he was at least pretending to listen.

"Um," the employee spoke up, quailing slightly when the yelling man leveled her with a cold glare, "U-um...we're actually closed."

"Ryohei said you were still open when he came in," the calmer man stated, smiling brightly at her. For some inexplicable reason, the woman began to feel really calm, and kind of sleepy, as she gazed at him.

"Well, um," she stammered as the other man's glare grew more pronounce taking all of her calm away in one fell swoop. "Actually, we were closed when he came in. We closed seven minutes ago, sir."

"We'll only be a minute," the smiling one stated happily. "We just need some condoms."

The angry one blushed violently. "Don't tell her that you baseball-freak!"

"Why not? Its the truth."

"That still doesn't mean you should just-!"

"Do you by any chance know where they are?" The smiling man directed at the woman, effectively cutting the other man off.

"Aisle four, sirs," she managed to croak.

He called out thanks to her and dragged his...boyfriend?...off. A few minutes and many expletives (and was that an explosion she just heard? no, couldn't be...) later, they were back, the transaction was completed, and they were out the door; verbal abuse and tranquil laughter floating along in their wake.

Cautiously, the woman moved toward the doors, brandishing her key ring like a weapon (hey, if that kid from Kingdom Whats-its could do it, why not she?) but paused when she saw a young woman calmly walking toward her.

She stepped through the doors, blinking dazedly in the fluorescent lights, and turned her one good eye (the other was covered by an eye patch, which might have been more disturbing if the woman weren't so simply adorable) to stare at the employee curiously.

"I'm sorry," the pineapple-style-haired woman stated in a quiet voice. "Are you still open?"

"Not really," the woman replied apologetically. "But, you can go ahead and get whatever you need sweetie, another few minutes won't kill me." Why not? After all, she had already basically let three other people do it. At least this girl was halfway decent.

"Oh, thank-you," the pineapple-haired girl stated. "Could you tell me where you keep the condoms, please?"

The employee's brain died as the girl's words rang through her mind. What. The. Hell? Was everyone having sex tonight? Or maybe there was some orgy party going on that she hadn't heard about?

Either way, she pointed towards aisle four, not trusting herself to speak at that moment.

"Thank-you," the other woman stated, heading off in that direction.

The employee stumbled back over to the register in a daze, wondering if maybe she should think about getting a new job. Or a boyfriend. Or a new job AND a boyfriend...

"I'm ready to be rang up," a male voice stated from in front of her.

The woman gave a start and stared at the man smirking at her from across the counter. Same hairstyle as the woman from before, but now he was wearing green pajamas rather than a pink nightgown, and the eye patch was gone. So were the boobs and the last of the employee's remaining sanity.

"Ah, ah..." she stammered. "We-weren't you a-a female a minute ago?"

"Kufufu," the pineapple-haired man chuckled. A cold shiver traveled down her back at the sound. "My darling Chrome-chan was unsure of what to get, so I stepped in to help."

"O-oh," the woman replied, wondering if maybe she was going crazy. "That'll be 300 yen, sir."

"Thank-you very much, my dear," the man stated, reaching out to take her hand, which he proceeded to plant a kiss on. "This has been a lovely meeting."

He then left, almost running into someone on his way out. "Watch where you step, Rokudo, or I will bite you to death," the black-haired man growled while the other just chuckled.

The violent man continued into the store and the employee found herself quaking under the intensity of his stare as he came to stand before her.

"Where are the condoms?" The violent man demanded.

"Aisle four," she squeaked, trying hard to keep from collapsing into tears. The man swept off and a moment later, he returned carrying a box. The woman hurriedly rang him up, and all but threw his purchase at him before watching him stalk back out.

As soon as the doors swished closed, she ran over to them, clicking the lock in place just as an unassuming teen wearing cow-print pajamas walked up.

"Oh wait!" He called through the window. "Can I get some-"

"We're CLOSED!" The employee yelled, yanking the curtain down. "Try a freakin' gas station if you need to have sex that badly!" She then ran off to cry in the employees-only bathroom.

"But..." Lambo muttered, staring bewilderedly at the still swinging "Closed" sign. "I just wanted some milk..."

The End

A/N: Poor Lambo. XD

Pairings (except the rather obvious 8059 reference and the fact about Ryohei having a GIRLfriend) can be taken however you like. But in my head(and my continuity):

-Ryohei's girlfriend is Hana

-Chrome is buying condoms for herself and Hibari because Mukuro told her it was a good idea (he wouldn't want her getting pregnant, after all)

-Hibari is buying condoms for himself and Chrome because he doesn't realize that that was Mukuro hijacking his girlfriend's body again and not just Mukuro using his own body

-Tsuna isn't mentioned because he and Kyoko are waiting until they're married to have sex

-and Mukuro is just there for the hell of it. XD


End file.
